Culture shock was part of the problem, but just as much as communication was. The two sides of communication are the non-verbal and verbal sides. The verbal has to do with language and spoken words creating meanings. Emma spoke very good English, and had little trouble understanding what we were saying. There wasn’t a language border between us. However there were some connotative meanings to the words being said that were misinterpreted or missed altogether. She sometimes commented on how bored she was, and I took that as wanting to find something new to do. However, after examination, I realize she was bored of being by herself and wanted me or my parents to do things with her. My parents were better at that than I was. I had little free time and had to say I was ‘busy’ a lot of the time. I used it in the denotative meaning of not having a lot of extra time, and she said later that she took it as me not wanting to do things with her.

One example of miscommunication was during a football game I said I had to work during. I ended up getting the night off and went to the football game and saw her there. We talked there and everything seemed fine, but I learned later that she thought I just didn’t want to go to the game with her. Writers on communication between cultures L.A. Samovar, R.E. Porter, and E.R. McDaniel, say “the type of language used to express intimacy, respect, affiliation, formality, distance, and other emotions can help you sustain a relationship or disengage from one” (Samovar, Porter and McDaniel 268). I agree completely after going through this, because the verbal communication impaired the sustaining of a relationship and unfortunately aided in disengaging one. The problem we had with nonverbal communication was the ones we missed from Emma. Nonverbal communication is described by Samovar, Porter and McDaniel in the ninth chapter of the same book as “all the nonverbal stimuli in a communication setting that are generated by both the source and his/her use of the environment and that have a potential message value for the source and/or receiver” (297). One thing I noticed was how she used our house (the environment). When I was home, I saw she spent a lot of time in her room. She said she would be doing homework, then she stayed in her room for most of the night. The times she was out in the living room or family room she spent time on her phone. To be fair I spent time on my phone too. She said she talked to her friends and family back home a lot, and I think she was very homesick. My family thought this too so we gave her some space. I now know that she felt so alone in the house that she needed to connect with people elsewhere.

The words not said were even more misinterpreted than the ones that were. Combined, nonverbal and verbal communication inside our “family” had affected Emma enough to leave the situation. All together there were many things I learned that affected what happened in November. Though there were no language barriers, the barriers of other types, aided in Emma’s final decision to move to a different family. First, the great differences between the family she was used to and this new American family made her feel uncomfortable and built up the first barrier. The second was brought on by the misinterpreting of verbal messages all around. Finally, the nonverbal cues that were not given attention made her feel alone and built up the third barrier. If the situation with my family was different, I think it would have been possible to break down the barriers and work as a family. I understand that the situation wasn’t different, and understand her need to be more comfortable as soon as possible. Emma is living with a family of younger students, and a lifestyle that she is more comfortable with. My family and I are glad she found somewhere she is comfortable and happy. Overall, I think we just hope that this situation doesn’t make her look back on this experience as a negative one.