On depression

the pain is here the pain is come but now

it’s deadened

more like a lump of hard

coal in the suit/boot/somewhere

[There’s never a good time to take off. It will ruin your career.

This is why women make less than men

and it’s all your fault.]

. a sushi bowl. a fifteen dollar lunch. a

movie. And yet, I’m still Depressed.

and yet

I need help, I say. And I don’t think a vacation

is gonna do it.

[You can’t leave. If there’s anything you’ve learned….]

smoking cunt. the gun of ages

the final death

to willingness the final

angel of death upon me. no    more

sherbet containers heaping with leftovers

and the darkness of the day

Be patient, my child, says the Tarot the I Ching the news

and probably the boss if asked

to self: You’re a fool , who promised you wouldn’t

but I’m beyond burnout, I argue.

[No matter. No matter.]

–          it’s been a month at least (more) since you picked up

sunshine from the rocks

–          since you bought earrings    or

–          a brand new shining novel

If I could only lie down, just for a little while. Yes, if I

could only lie down. It would never be enough.

——————————————————-

Charlotte, my love,

who wanted to go to school

even though she is sick.

Charlotte, with a head full

of congestion.

Charlotte, with

pills in pocket to swallow

at lunch.

Charlotte, with an earful of magic.

with words that slide between.

with experiences that spangle.

with extra loud fingers and toes.

Charlotte, my love who one night last week could not sleep

and sidled up next to me.

Charlotte, her eyes off balance from the world.

Zomi, who has made herself overly accessible.

[or so she’s heard]

Zomi, who is prone to Burnout.

Zomi, who is trying to raise children     on

this chicken scratch.