Affirmations before work

Affirmations before work (designed to cure burnout with) (Hint: it’s mostly bullshit)

I am a unique and perfect expression of God.

(We all know there is no God. I listen to the gospel channel on Pandora anyway. )

My life has meaning.

(In the sense that my body will become mulch.)

I embrace the Beauty and Joy that’s right here

in front of my face.

I am a unique and perfect expression of God, I say

again, I am a unique and perfect expression of God

I am a unique and perfect expression of God again     ….    again

I open up to new opportunities.

(Another committee, I’m sure, or the proverbial prince. I’ll wear my glass slippers.)

I know that I am safe

(At least for now, and if I wear my seatbelt the chances of dying decrease.)

I open myself to enjoy the Pleasures in each moment.

(Here’s another cup of coffee. Go poison yourself. Coffee is the pleasure of the moment and the crash is for later.)

(I write down the affirmations faithfully, and my burnout is cured so now I soar

like a fancy fucking eagle.)