After the endoscopy
After the endoscopy, in which, you looked into my guts and found nothing, July 2017
July 22
Betrayal of my
Body
Forged in stone
over eons (years or
months) Eons
Left me to sit in a
Disaster
Sudden comes sedative in the
form of mock
mockingbird delighted
from one to eternity
The wings of Doves
Betrayal of Self
Formed in mud
I would never choose
umbrella over Rain
until now
July 23
Stillness walks all over me.
I send out my Blood, coursing
and decide
I can Hang Handle it
I aim for Stillness and Bubbles rise
can’t help themselves
reminders
Choking on the serpent’s tail
tongue slides back in my
mouth
Bile will rise
I never write pleasantries
Lately
How did I become So Heavy
There is a list
of things I cannot tolerate
List
grows
longer,
When will I reject everything?
Every last lovely bit that makes this world
whole?
Will I be safe then
Would
will
that I build
up Fortitude
instead
Fucking Fortitude
Again, the castle Burns
like salted candy
Formed in the shape
of Cinderella
and Beset to the side with
coals
Taffy scars,
pull away
Right side out
The castle, slides
in and out vision
In and out of
Belly-Self – slicing
its way through
the Right Hand Side
and sinks again
Blackwater fishes
gape and gaze up through
ice
That’s fortitude
but no Healing
to be Found
Inside of a coasted
Searoom, Lighting
flashes
you might have seen it
or missed it
or known it
spring-side misted ponies
lap at pools on the
sidelines
Undetectable weather patterns
you think
you see Answers
your approach is one with the times
I’m never Secure
Deep from the recesses
of a screen Life – which is
to say, Falsely certain
and surface-driven
Uncertainty expands, barren
Transaction
Transaction
No-fault the system
(Portions of this work have been previously published in Survive and Thrive: A Journal for Medical Humanities and Narrative as Medicine.)