Martial Art Steaks

Van lives in Sacramento, California. Van is a very happy man. He lives in a good town in a good neighborhood. Like I said, he’s a happy man. Van is not married. He is single. Van is 26 years old. He just got his master’s degree in arts, with an emphasis in painting.

Van was happy in his college. He went to Drexel University. He doesn’t have his college paid off yet but hopes to pay it back in eight years. That sounds like a long time, therefore, Van sometimes can get depressed. Van did not get a scholarship, so he does have to pay the full college payment.

Yes, Van has problems. However, these common, everyday problems are NOTHING compared to what’s to come! He tries to remain a happy man UNTIL…

Until, he has heard people talking, whispering, LYING! Talking behind his back. He thought he had friends! Instead, he has ENEMIES! Van was eaten up with hate and disgraced.

Fifty days later

One VERY IMPORTANT thing going around town is “Martial Art Steaks.” The rumor has it that Van made many evil steaks arise from the grill and run away to who knows where. Van does not even own a restaurant. How can anyone claim he has involvement in this?? The people made a statement that one of the steaks knew martial arts. People are saying that Van is responsible for this mess! So what made the steaks come alive? He accidentally knocked down the radish, so he started putting random ingredients in the meat. WHO MAKES THIS STUFF UP?! So, he decided to move on calmly.

There stood Van. He makes very good paintings and sells them for money. People say that he searches pictures online and traces the pictures. They call him a fraud. MORE LIES! He knew just what to do.

He moved to a small apartment. He loved it because it came with artwork on the walls. Living in Bellville, Delaware Van had just heard of the group of deadly martial arts specialists. When Van heard this, he packed his bag and tried to book a flight. Sadly, they were full. He knew this was a big mistake, but he went for it, anyway! He hopped in his truck and drove to Iowa. This was the border where the steaks can’t pass unless they break the invisible barrier.

When he was on Interstate-90, he was the only one driving on the right side of the road. The only way to execute the steaks is to take out the T-bones of the steaks. He was expecting them to have metal helmets. The two main things he needs are magnets and knives. There were a lot of army trucks passing by. Next thing he knew, he was at the border. He couldn’t see the army of steaks yet. Then Van went to go to the trunk for the supplies he needed.

He opened the trunk to find nothing. Van was panicking because he didn’t have the supplies he needed! He would fail! Then, Van started to have flashbacks of the time he hit the home run in the finals and the time he had drawn for the best art piece. Van has been successful in the past and he can be successful again!

Van’s panicking seemed to settle a little bit. Van has a brilliant idea! That’s why God gave us HANDS!!! Van’s stress was relieved. He knew he still needed a strategy. He whipped out his map and started planning. Van’s theory was that the head honcho would be in the middle of the army soooooo ….

He had his attack plan! He would defeat the steaks and prove once and for all that he is NOT responsible for these evil steaks! Proud of himself, he would be ready for the next day. All night he had memories of the times he actually felt proud, when he felt accomplished in himself, and in the morning, he was pumped!

By morning, he heard noises like YAH!!! HEEE!!!! HOOO!!! Van was ready for action! He had taken his place and was ready for the moment. He saw the army heading straight for him. The battle had begun.

Van chopped fifty steaks at once! With martial arts kicks to punches, Van was doing good until, THWACK!!! Van had taken a kick to the face! The voice inside him said, “Keep going! Get up, Buddy!”

He got up, and he saw an army of his own! The people began to ignore the lies and support Van! Van explained that you had to take out the T-bone to execute the steaks.

The army fought their buns off! Van’s teammates were dropping like flies, and he had to do something about that! He got to the king steak, and Van stood up for himself! He went up to the steak and… SMACK!!! CRACK!!!

AHHHH! Van was hit by the king steak! Van was hurting really bad from the hits. Van got his poop in a group and then Van spun around the king steak and took out the T-bone, and it felt amazing! On the way back to Bellville, people were on the side of the road congratulating him. When he pulled into Bellville, he was smiling ear to ear.

After he got home he became a great famous painter and became successful. It has been fifty years since the memorable war. He is now seventy-six. One day he was on the couch watching the news he heard they were making a shrine for him, “The War of the Van Gogh.”

He was forever happy after that moment! Van had great steak outs in his town, and the people in the town loved him! First, turn the Blackstone to half way burn then let it sit for 10 minutes. Now the steps to prepare the steak. Van’s secret recipe was a splash of barbecue with a hint of onion and some hand-spread salt. Now his secret ingredient is McCormick powdered dill weed. He licks his finger and sticks in the bottle and rubs it all over the surface! The final step is to cut it up and, stab your fork into the juiciness and stick it into your mouth!!! More expert work done by Van!!!