Enough.

Will I ever be enough for the people in my life?

My parents are telling me that I should quit my sport I’ve loved most since 5th grade

They’re telling me that just because of my body and skills, that I should give up

They’re telling me to not be one of those basketball girls, they want me to be a track girl

But I don’t want to be a track girl, I want to be a basketball girl

I want to ride the bus with my friends, shoot hoops, hear the crowd cheering my name

Now I guess that’s all over. Gone, Thrown away. In the past

Now I’m giving up on my hopes and dreams I’ve been working hard to achieve for the past 4 years

It’s just not enough to please my parents or the coach

 

My teachers, will I ever be good enough for them?

Should I remain the loud and fun kid in class, or should I become the silent kid, talk to no one, and keep to myself

Should I be a bother and raise my hand to ask a question

Or struggle and figure the stuff out on my own so other kids have an advantage

Is it worth it to actually try on my assignments and get an A

Nah, maybe it’s easier to just lay back and get answers from people who actually try

It’s just not enough to please my teachers

 

My friends, will I ever be good enough for them?

Do my friends really see me as this ugly, flat, skinny, and annoying friend

Or do they think I have a good body, am beautiful, and am fun to be around

I guess I’ll never really know, I try my best to be a good friend like my mom says

But all day every day I compare myself to all the pretty, smart, and elegant girls at school

Man I wish I was just like them, with the perfect model body, the straight blonde hair, and blue eyes

God, what I’d give to have their looks

I absolutely hate the way I look, in addition I get called mean names by people at school

Half the time, I truly think that they’re maybe right

It’s just not enough to please my friends

 

And finally there’s him, will I ever be good enough for him?

He gives and gives and gives with all his heart but I feel like I dont give anything in return

And then I feel bad because I feel like I’m being a pathetic and useless girlfriend who doesn’t do anything

I want to give him something but I don’t know what

Every morning I wake up to paragraphs beyond paragraphs from him and they leave me speechless cause I don’t know what to say

I feel guilty because I hope he knows that I’m not using him just so he can spend money on me

I chose him because I love and care for him with all my heart

The way he makes me feel, the way he makes me laugh, the way he makes me smile

It’s all worth it, but am I enough for him?

Am I that dream girl he’s been waiting for who has the perfect body & looks

If he were to walk in a room with 100 girls, would he come and find me and choose me?

Does he love all the little things about me from my biggest perfections to my smallest flaws?

Every morning I try my hardest to actually look pretty for him and look somewhat decent

But everytime I see a mirror or a camera, I’m like how can he be able to stand and love this human being

I say ew and ick and yuck, those are all the words to describe my face

Am I enough to please him I wonder?

 

Overall, will I ever be enough to please my own life?

There’s been points in my own life where I didn’t want to exist anymore

I felt like there was no point or reason to be here anymore

I’m just another person who costs money and takes up space

Someone who makes mistakes and just causes problems for others

Another name to be put in people’s mouth to gossip about

More letters to yell at and count when taking attendance

As the years go by I question myself everyday, am I worth living or dying for?

Was I worth the pain my mom went through when giving birth to me

Am I worth the child support money my dad pays just to see me

Most importantly, is it worth it to live my life?

Who knows, I already hate everything about myself

 

The End.